Call me Ari.
One day, it will become easier.
One day, I will not suffer anymore and my heart would stop hurting this much. I won't feel this pain which constricts my chest so. It feels so heavy inside.
But tomorrow, tomorrow I will have a smile on my face. A smile of sincerity for others, because I do not want them to experience any sorrow, like I do now.
What is pain? What's my pain?
It's the helplessness, the feeling of unworthiness, the feeling of being used and betrayal. I don't even feel like a person. Why hurt me in such a way? Maybe I deserved it, maybe I truly do. Was there any need? Will it make me stronger?
Love hurts. So much. If I could, I would forbid my foolish heart to yearn for anything, anyone at anytime. I will lock it down so it won't cause me to be this miserable anymore. Never again. Please...never again. From now on, I will keep this heart away, in a very safe and far far away place, where none could ever take it or steal it. I will conceal and protect it as much as I can.
I feel cold, so cold. My body, my mind and my heart...they are so lonely, and they feel like they are not within me anymore. It hurts. I don't want to cry but the tears, they won't stop. I can't make them stop even when I try. I try so hard.
I will find comfort. I will be okay. Maybe not now or tomorrow. But one day, the sun will shine. Even for me.
"In the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here."
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